Velvet & Sandpaper: Why Leaders Need Both

Leadership is a lot like working with different kinds of fabric and tools. Some people in your life are like velvet—smooth, comfortable, and easy to work with. They align with your vision, they encourage you, and they make leading feel natural. When you interact with them, you feel energized and affirmed. Velvet people bring harmony, trust, and ease.

But then there are others who feel more like sandpaper—rough, gritty, and sometimes irritating. They challenge you. They question your style. They rub against your personality in ways that make you uncomfortable. But if you understand their purpose, you realize that sandpaper has a role just as valuable as velvet.

Velvet Helps You Lead With Confidence

Those who are like velvet make leadership enjoyable. They support your vision, trust your decisions, and rally with you. They bring momentum to your leadership; they make it easier for you to bring out their best. Velvet is encouraging—it shows you what is possible when there is alignment.

Sandpaper Smooths Out Your Rough Edges

But here’s the truth: we all have rough edges as leaders. No one is perfectly polished. Sandpaper-type people help refine us. They expose blind spots, force us to grow, and keep us sharp. Just like sandpaper shapes wood into something smoother and stronger, these individuals can make us better leaders—if we allow them to.

The problem comes when leaders respond to sandpaper with anger, frustration, or avoidance. If you try to shut these people out, you miss the gift they bring. They are there to grow you, not to destroy you.

Leadership Is About Embracing Both

Great leadership is not about surrounding yourself only with velvet. That’s easy. Real leadership is learning how to embrace both velvet and sandpaper.

Velvet teaches you how to enjoy the journey.
Sandpaper teaches you how to endure the journey.

Velvet affirms your strengths, while sandpaper refines your weaknesses. Velvet draws out your confidence, while sandpaper develops your character.

When you embrace both, you become the kind of leader who is not just effective with those who naturally connect with you, but also with those who challenge you the most. That’s when you know you are growing.