How To Win With Others

If you are going to run up points in your organization, you have to know who is in control of the scoreboard. Each one of your clients, colleagues, superiors, board members, owners, etc. has their own personal scoreboard, and if you want to raise your influence, you’ll have to know how to win based on their criteria. Great influencers know the art of not only connecting with others but also scoring points with and for them. They are able to both win friends and influence people, as Dale Carnegie taught.

Everyone operates out of their unique personality, which determines what they value. Some are driven by high energy and excitement. Others value calm and consistencies. Then, there are those for whom accuracy and analysis score the most points. You need to know what and who you are working with. Based on their personality, each person will expect different results. For example, Apple founder Steve Jobs was known for his relentless obsession with the look and feel of Apple’s products. He wanted everything from product design to packaged delivery to be presented with finesse. He was tenacious about the customer experience starting with opening the box for the very first time to the life-cycle of the product.

You have to know who you are working with in order to accomplish what matters most to them. Study and adapt to the variations of your leaders in order to score greater influence and trust with them. Adjust what you are doing to get the most points possible with those you are dealing with.

Here are some questions to help you identify what people value.

What Makes Them Smile?

It’s usually easy to tell when someone is pleased with your work. Some may be more guarded or less responsive, but there’s no mistaking when you’ve scored a point on their scoreboard. You’ll see the smile on their face, hear the praise in their voice, or sense a positive shift in their posture towards you. Pay close attention to how they respond to your ideas or projects, and notice the subtle signs they give, clueing you in on what matters most to them. In the same vein, take note as to what doesn’t spark their interest. You might work really hard on something that makes no difference at all to them. Don’t waste time on things that don’t matter or that fail to get points up on the board.

What Do They Repeat?

You know what someone values by how much they talk about it. What do your leaders keep coming back to again and again? Repetition develops reputation. People are known for the things they emphasize. What about you? Are you results driven? Obsessed with golf? Committed to your family? What we consistently do and say reveals who we are and what we value. Be cognizant of the words people use, the tone in which they speak, and how often they repeat concepts or values.

What Makes Them Successful?

The more you help others succeed, the more valuable you become to them. What you help others accomplish will also bring you dividends. Zig Ziglar would always say, “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want.” Live with an “others first” mindset, and you’ll never lack for opportunity. Educator and presidential advisor Booker T. Washington said, “If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.”