Focus On Them Not You
Once, a man pulled up into a gas station in the country and asked the gas station attendant, “What are the people like in the next town up ahead?” The attendant said, “What were the people like in the town you just came from?” “Awful people,” the man responded. “Rude, cold, hostile, abrupt, unfriendly. They wouldn’t give me the time of day.” “Well,” said the attendant, “I’m sorry to say it, but you’re going to find exactly the same sort of people in the next town up ahead.” A bit later, another driver pulled in, heading in the same direction as the first. “What are the people like in the next town up ahead?” the second man asked. The attendant said, “What were the people like in the town you just came from?” “Wonderful people,” the second man responded. “Friendly, warm, helpful, patient, kind. They went out of their way to help a stranger.” “Well,” said the attendant, “I’m happy to tell you that you’re going to find exactly the same kind of people in the next town up ahead.”
The way you treat others is a large determining factor for how they treat you. William Arthur Ward said, “Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you.”
You cannot truly connect with someone while only talking about yourself. The way to legitimately get to know someone and make them feel encouraged is to put your attention on them. This means you have to take the focus off of yourself. Have you ever had a conversation with someone that was looking everywhere but at you? It is frustrating. It makes you feel unimportant. I have talked with countless people that are intently staring at me in the eyes as they communicate, but when my turn comes to respond they completely tune out, only to return when they want to talk again. That kind of person is not connecting, they are disconnecting. If you want to inspire people and connect with them, let the conversation revolve around who they are, not just who you are. Seek first to understand them and then you will be understood by them.
If you want to inspire people and connect with them, let the conversation revolve around who they are, not just who you are.
Do not be enticed to weave yourself into their stories. I am tempted to do this all of the time in conversations I have with people. Just the other day an individual was telling me a story about their vacation to the beach. Guess what I wanted to do? I wanted to tell them about my vacation at the beach! I cut them off and started to revolve the whole conversation around my trip, and what I did, where I went to eat, how I did this and that, and on and on. I hijacked the conversation by telling them my story rather than listening to their story. No one likes to be cut off or “upped one” as though their trip wasn’t important enough to talk about.
To influence others, focus on them, not on yourself. Weaving your stories over the top of someone else’s stories only leads to disconnecting with them. Being
